i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
