We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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