I wish I only lived at night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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