he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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