Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
