Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The Olympian is in my bed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
