I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
