Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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