so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
