I puked a lego.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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