6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
