At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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