i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
