can we get nightvision for the apartment?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
