So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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