You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
