but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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