u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
