Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
