ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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