she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
