you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
