Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
