I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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