Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He has the fingertips of a God
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