Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
