walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
