Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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