The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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