9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
