I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
