So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
