happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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