Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
