My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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