my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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