so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
