yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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