Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
