I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
