he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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