Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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