Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
