I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
