I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
