HIV tests are more positive than that guy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
