he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
