dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
