I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
