I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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