he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
