Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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