i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You smell like a Billy Joel song
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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