My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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