Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
