Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
