i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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