i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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