she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
