try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
