Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
pray to the hookup gods
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
